I OFFICALLY DECLARE TODAY A "SMILE DAY". Enjoy these little quips, I did.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz
All generalizations are bad. ~R.H. Grenier
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. ~Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin
The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away. ~Tom Waits, Small Change
Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. ~Attributed to both Jason Hutchison and John Benfield
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. ~P.J. O'Rourke
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? ~Nigel Rees
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~George Ade
Man was predestined to have free will. ~Hal Lee Luyah
Maybe this world is another planet's hell. ~Aldous Huxley
Murphy was an optimist. ~O'Toole's Commentary
The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. ~Robert Graves
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
Today is the last day of some of your life. ~Author Unknown
Without geography, you're nowhere. ~Author Unknown
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. ~Author Unknown
You can't have everything... where would you put it? ~Steven Wright
I plan on living forever. So far, so good. ~Author Unknown
As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants. ~Dave Beard
There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. ~Jerry Seinfeld
And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!" ~Author Unknown
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Author Unknown
A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. ~Author Unknown
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. ~Rita Mae Brown
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. ~Author Unknown
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. ~Author Unknown
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. ~Carl Zwanzig
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar
Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. ~Author Unknown
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. ~Author Unknown
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~Author Unknown
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